It has been a year and a half since Isabella was born and passed away, and sadly I feel like she is already forgotten. No matter how much I stress to people how I want her memory to stay alive, they don't seem to care. I say over and over on here and in person who I want to talk about her and want others to talk about but yet hardly anyone does. It breaks my heart to know Dwayne, me and the kids are the only ones that remember her. On her 1 year angelversary we got one thing in the mail from our very wonderful friends,which I am VERY thankful for and proudly display with Isabella's stuff. Not one card from any family member, not one phone call from anyone. How sad is that?? Not only had they failed to remember my daughter, their granddaughter, niece, cousin etc, they also failed to remember me and my family and what we might have been going through.
I mean I didn't expect a big to do but yes I expected at least ONE family member to acknowledge our daughter and that special day!!! The same thing happened at Christmas too. Yes I know this is very late, it is something I have been holding in, and it is just an example of what I mean by she is forgotten. No one brings her up unless I do and then they always seem to want to change the subject right away which just hurts my feels and makes me scared to bring her up again.
I feel like they all expect me to have moved on by now. I will NEVER move on, she is and will always be my daughter and I will and always will miss her and love her. I will take every chance I have to talk about her, share her memory with people, acknowledge that she was here that she was loved and wanted.
I hear stories all the time from others where family and friends acknowledge their angels years later, do things in the angels memory, have pictures hanging up of them, say how much that angel has changed their lives. Oh how my heart wishes for that. How my heart wishes to know that Isabella's short life had a purpose outside of our little family, that she is love and missed by more than Me, Dwayne, Katie and Jonathan.
Maybe people do feel this way but they sure as heck don't tell me. That would mean they would have to mention her and that seems to have become one of the deadly sins.
I am sure this post sounds very selfish and probably mean but I don't care. It is how I am feeling and how I have been feeling for awhile. For me to come to terms with this stuff I have to get it out. The longer I hold it in the longer it will fester and cause more hatred to build up in my heart. Maybe if people had actually come to the hospital and seen and held her it would be different. Maybe they are going by the old saying out of sight out of mind? Who knows. All I know is I carried her in my tummy for 33 weeks, I gave birth to her and held her in my arms during her short life, I was there with her when she went home to Jesus and our other family members up there. I know she was real and I know this pain I feel in my heart is real. But the joy I feel in my heart when she is talked about and remember is also real and it can make that pain just a little more bearable. I truthfully don't understand how anyone could forget or choose to ignore and pretend it didn't happen, I just can't even fathom that. I really don't think I am asking for too much when all I am asking for is my daughter to be remembered.
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Mary Im so sorry. It is hard when the rest of the world forgets our pain and sorrow. But please forgive us for we may be battling our own trials and pain or just plain busy trying to get by. No one ever feels our pain quite like we do. I know to you its so personal and hard to understand. And I know that its your close family and friends that forgot but we are all human and all we can do is be there for each other and try to remember that we are all different in the way we deal with things. I lost a brother/ best friend and I know that noone will ever feel or understand the way I feel about him n sometimes I feel like im one of the only ones that really does still think of him constantly but at least he knows I still care. Isabella was Gods gift to you to understand this crazy world. She is the love and caring in your eyes :)
ReplyDeleteI understand! You want people to remember and it feels like she's forgotten. I don't think anyone can remember them like us. I'm sorry no family recognized her.
ReplyDeletePeople just don't know what to do for those who are grieving. It's as if they think ignoring it makes it go away. They just want to think that you're ok. It has been 5 months since our daughter died, and already I get so sad feeling like no one else remembers her anymore. I bet a lot of grieving mamas feel this way. We ache to hear her name spoken, and to hear people acknowledging that she was a part of us. When the rest of the world has moved on, you will always be carrying her sweet memory with you. And whether other people are brave enough to recall her memory or not, your little angel will always be honored in your remembering.
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