I can't believe how little my family and friends have learned from my experience with Isabella. I only know of one family member who is taking folic acid now. It saddens me. I had hoped that at least losing Isabella would help prevent it from happening to someone else. So I am going to try and stress yet again how important it is. If you are in your child bearing years you NEED to being taking folic acid, even if you aren't trying to get pregnant. It needs to be taken for at least 3 months before you get pregnant to have it build up in your system and if you wait until you are pregnant it is too late to prevent an open neural tube defect. It happens so early in the pregnancy, most of the time before you even know you are pregnant.
If you are related to someone who has had a baby with a NTD(neural tube defect) then you are more likely yourself to have one. If you are a girl dating/married to a guy who is related to someone who has had a baby with it you are still more likely to have a baby with one. TAKE YOUR FOLIC ACID! It isn't that hard. You can get a prescription from your doctor or buy it yourself over the counter. Talk to your doctor, you may need a higher dose than the average person if again you are related to someone who has had a baby with it.
Even if you aren't related to someone who had a baby with it you should still be taking folic acid. It can happen to anyone. Before Isabella there was no other baby in my family who had this, that we know of. If I had known about folic acid and how important it was during the 1st few weeks of pregnancy this might not have happened to her. I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't want to prevent this, all it takes is taking a pill or pills! It isn't that hard.
Again if you are in your child bearing years, aka are having a period, then TAKE YOUR FOLIC ACID! If you are male then make sure your girlfriend/wife is taking it! Again even if you are on BC or not sexually active you still need to take it!! Over 50% of pregnancies are accidents, why take the chance???
Don't let Isabella's life mean nothing. Let her help you all in preventing it from happening to you!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Can we make it???
A few weeks after finding out Isabella's diganosis I read some statistics that said most marriages don't make it through the loss of a child. I just skimmed over them thinking that wouldn't be us. Now I wonder will we be part of those statistics? In 9 days it will be our 10 year wedding anniversary and it breaks my heart to think it might be our last one.
Up until a couple of months ago I thought things were going good. I mean of course we had our issues, what marriage doesn't? But things are spiraling out of control very fast. My husband has held things in all this time and has been hiding his depression for so long now. And of course for some reason like most men he can't accept the fact that maybe he might need help. I have done everything I can to help him through this but it is out of my hands. I don't want to give up on us, but it feels like he already has.
I pray and I hope we won't become one of the statistics, and I ask for prayers from you all that we make it through this.
Up until a couple of months ago I thought things were going good. I mean of course we had our issues, what marriage doesn't? But things are spiraling out of control very fast. My husband has held things in all this time and has been hiding his depression for so long now. And of course for some reason like most men he can't accept the fact that maybe he might need help. I have done everything I can to help him through this but it is out of my hands. I don't want to give up on us, but it feels like he already has.
I pray and I hope we won't become one of the statistics, and I ask for prayers from you all that we make it through this.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Apology
First off let me explain I am in NO way saying sorry for the way I feel. My father raised me to accept my feelings for what they are. He always told me you can't help how you feel. He also taught me to get my feelings out. I have many memories of him holding me when I was a child and crying and just telling me to let it out, to get it all out. To this day I still do that. I get my feelings out and then am able to move on. Like I said in my last post if I kept holding on to them they would fester and breed hatred in my heart, that is not something I want nor it is healthy for me. So like my Dad taught me I got my feelings out and then I handed them over to God. It is out of my hands now.
I do want to say sorry to a few people that my post may have hurt. I have had some wonderful friends and a cousin who have been there for me and I know haven't forgotten Isabella. They are always around to talk whenever I want and have no problems talking or listening to me talk about Isabella. I have also met some wonderful moms and dads online who have gone through the same thing and I know they remember Isabella the same way I remember their sweet angels. So those people I am sorry if my post hurt you and please know that I am very thankful for your friendship.
One final thing I need to say. Just because I come on here every once in awhile and vent or whatever about my feelings doesn't mean I walk around 24/7 like that. In fact I live a very happy and fulfilled life. Like I have said many times Isabella taught me how very special life is and I take that seriously. I treasure every moment God gives me here on Earth with my loved ones and friends. Yes of course I miss my daughter and for some reason some people can't get it through their heads that I will always miss my daughter. The death of a child or loved one isn't something you "move on" from or "make it through". It is just something you learn to live with. Even though my heart is full of love and happiness there will always be a tiny part of it that is missing her.
I do want to say sorry to a few people that my post may have hurt. I have had some wonderful friends and a cousin who have been there for me and I know haven't forgotten Isabella. They are always around to talk whenever I want and have no problems talking or listening to me talk about Isabella. I have also met some wonderful moms and dads online who have gone through the same thing and I know they remember Isabella the same way I remember their sweet angels. So those people I am sorry if my post hurt you and please know that I am very thankful for your friendship.
One final thing I need to say. Just because I come on here every once in awhile and vent or whatever about my feelings doesn't mean I walk around 24/7 like that. In fact I live a very happy and fulfilled life. Like I have said many times Isabella taught me how very special life is and I take that seriously. I treasure every moment God gives me here on Earth with my loved ones and friends. Yes of course I miss my daughter and for some reason some people can't get it through their heads that I will always miss my daughter. The death of a child or loved one isn't something you "move on" from or "make it through". It is just something you learn to live with. Even though my heart is full of love and happiness there will always be a tiny part of it that is missing her.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Forgotten
It has been a year and a half since Isabella was born and passed away, and sadly I feel like she is already forgotten. No matter how much I stress to people how I want her memory to stay alive, they don't seem to care. I say over and over on here and in person who I want to talk about her and want others to talk about but yet hardly anyone does. It breaks my heart to know Dwayne, me and the kids are the only ones that remember her. On her 1 year angelversary we got one thing in the mail from our very wonderful friends,which I am VERY thankful for and proudly display with Isabella's stuff. Not one card from any family member, not one phone call from anyone. How sad is that?? Not only had they failed to remember my daughter, their granddaughter, niece, cousin etc, they also failed to remember me and my family and what we might have been going through.
I mean I didn't expect a big to do but yes I expected at least ONE family member to acknowledge our daughter and that special day!!! The same thing happened at Christmas too. Yes I know this is very late, it is something I have been holding in, and it is just an example of what I mean by she is forgotten. No one brings her up unless I do and then they always seem to want to change the subject right away which just hurts my feels and makes me scared to bring her up again.
I feel like they all expect me to have moved on by now. I will NEVER move on, she is and will always be my daughter and I will and always will miss her and love her. I will take every chance I have to talk about her, share her memory with people, acknowledge that she was here that she was loved and wanted.
I hear stories all the time from others where family and friends acknowledge their angels years later, do things in the angels memory, have pictures hanging up of them, say how much that angel has changed their lives. Oh how my heart wishes for that. How my heart wishes to know that Isabella's short life had a purpose outside of our little family, that she is love and missed by more than Me, Dwayne, Katie and Jonathan.
Maybe people do feel this way but they sure as heck don't tell me. That would mean they would have to mention her and that seems to have become one of the deadly sins.
I am sure this post sounds very selfish and probably mean but I don't care. It is how I am feeling and how I have been feeling for awhile. For me to come to terms with this stuff I have to get it out. The longer I hold it in the longer it will fester and cause more hatred to build up in my heart. Maybe if people had actually come to the hospital and seen and held her it would be different. Maybe they are going by the old saying out of sight out of mind? Who knows. All I know is I carried her in my tummy for 33 weeks, I gave birth to her and held her in my arms during her short life, I was there with her when she went home to Jesus and our other family members up there. I know she was real and I know this pain I feel in my heart is real. But the joy I feel in my heart when she is talked about and remember is also real and it can make that pain just a little more bearable. I truthfully don't understand how anyone could forget or choose to ignore and pretend it didn't happen, I just can't even fathom that. I really don't think I am asking for too much when all I am asking for is my daughter to be remembered.
I mean I didn't expect a big to do but yes I expected at least ONE family member to acknowledge our daughter and that special day!!! The same thing happened at Christmas too. Yes I know this is very late, it is something I have been holding in, and it is just an example of what I mean by she is forgotten. No one brings her up unless I do and then they always seem to want to change the subject right away which just hurts my feels and makes me scared to bring her up again.
I feel like they all expect me to have moved on by now. I will NEVER move on, she is and will always be my daughter and I will and always will miss her and love her. I will take every chance I have to talk about her, share her memory with people, acknowledge that she was here that she was loved and wanted.
I hear stories all the time from others where family and friends acknowledge their angels years later, do things in the angels memory, have pictures hanging up of them, say how much that angel has changed their lives. Oh how my heart wishes for that. How my heart wishes to know that Isabella's short life had a purpose outside of our little family, that she is love and missed by more than Me, Dwayne, Katie and Jonathan.
Maybe people do feel this way but they sure as heck don't tell me. That would mean they would have to mention her and that seems to have become one of the deadly sins.
I am sure this post sounds very selfish and probably mean but I don't care. It is how I am feeling and how I have been feeling for awhile. For me to come to terms with this stuff I have to get it out. The longer I hold it in the longer it will fester and cause more hatred to build up in my heart. Maybe if people had actually come to the hospital and seen and held her it would be different. Maybe they are going by the old saying out of sight out of mind? Who knows. All I know is I carried her in my tummy for 33 weeks, I gave birth to her and held her in my arms during her short life, I was there with her when she went home to Jesus and our other family members up there. I know she was real and I know this pain I feel in my heart is real. But the joy I feel in my heart when she is talked about and remember is also real and it can make that pain just a little more bearable. I truthfully don't understand how anyone could forget or choose to ignore and pretend it didn't happen, I just can't even fathom that. I really don't think I am asking for too much when all I am asking for is my daughter to be remembered.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Been awhile...
Been awhile since I have been on here. I have been telling myself I have just been to busy between Hannah, Katie home on summer break and trying to get the house clean. The truth is I have been avoiding it, I haven't wanted to face the emotions it would bring up.
When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would be 100% honest with my emotions on here, that I wouldn't come here and fake it like I do in real life. So I guess I haven't been up to being honest with myself, and others.
I can admit in most ways things have gotten better. I am in a much better part of the grieving process now. I am not always on the verge of tears, I can talk about Isabella without getting sad, in fact it makes me very happy to talk about her! Now it seems more like once in a blue moon do I get down, and from everything I have read it will be that way until the day I join Isabella in Heaven.
With Hannah here now things are different. For one she keeps me so busy I don't have time to sit and dwell on my grief, lol. But seriously how can I look at her and not think of Isabella? This doesn't happen every time I look at her but there will be times she will remind me of her. She looks so much like her big sister Isabella. Of course I also look at her and wonder if Isabella would have a similar personality, would she have done the milestones around the same time. But it doesn't usually make me sad to think of this stuff, which I guess is a real good thing. Sometimes I will sit and rock Hannah and tell her all about her big sister, I hope as she gets older she doesn't get tired of hearing the same stories over and over, lol. And there have been a handful of times I just start crying while holding her and it is almost like she comforts me. Very weird since I am the one that is supposed to be comforting her. I also tell her all the time now much we love her and wanted her, she is her own person, she is in no way a replacement for Isabella. Right now of course I get no response back besides smiles, coos or sometimes a burp, lol.
What I find really weird is it is still hard for me to be around other babies and pregnant women. I really thought after I had Hannah that would go away. It is easier to be around them, I am no longer holding back the tears, but it hasn't completely gone away. Maybe it never will.
I think all in all I am in a much better, healthier place. And really I think Hannah might have helped me get there. She is such a reminder of all the good things in life, a reminder that the Lord still is blessing us and sending miracles our way! Isabella taught me all that too and it is like she sent Hannah to be a constant reminder of it.
When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would be 100% honest with my emotions on here, that I wouldn't come here and fake it like I do in real life. So I guess I haven't been up to being honest with myself, and others.
I can admit in most ways things have gotten better. I am in a much better part of the grieving process now. I am not always on the verge of tears, I can talk about Isabella without getting sad, in fact it makes me very happy to talk about her! Now it seems more like once in a blue moon do I get down, and from everything I have read it will be that way until the day I join Isabella in Heaven.
With Hannah here now things are different. For one she keeps me so busy I don't have time to sit and dwell on my grief, lol. But seriously how can I look at her and not think of Isabella? This doesn't happen every time I look at her but there will be times she will remind me of her. She looks so much like her big sister Isabella. Of course I also look at her and wonder if Isabella would have a similar personality, would she have done the milestones around the same time. But it doesn't usually make me sad to think of this stuff, which I guess is a real good thing. Sometimes I will sit and rock Hannah and tell her all about her big sister, I hope as she gets older she doesn't get tired of hearing the same stories over and over, lol. And there have been a handful of times I just start crying while holding her and it is almost like she comforts me. Very weird since I am the one that is supposed to be comforting her. I also tell her all the time now much we love her and wanted her, she is her own person, she is in no way a replacement for Isabella. Right now of course I get no response back besides smiles, coos or sometimes a burp, lol.
What I find really weird is it is still hard for me to be around other babies and pregnant women. I really thought after I had Hannah that would go away. It is easier to be around them, I am no longer holding back the tears, but it hasn't completely gone away. Maybe it never will.
I think all in all I am in a much better, healthier place. And really I think Hannah might have helped me get there. She is such a reminder of all the good things in life, a reminder that the Lord still is blessing us and sending miracles our way! Isabella taught me all that too and it is like she sent Hannah to be a constant reminder of it.
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