7 months

Yesterday was 7 months from having to say hello and goodbye to Isabella. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. In a lot of ways it feels like just weeks ago that I had her not months ago! I didn't have any breakdowns yesterday, didn't even cry at all. I had some moments where I got sad but that was it. I guess that is a good thing but for some reason it doesn't feel like it. In some ways it feels like I am forgetting her. I know this isn't true. I tell myself it just means I am going on with life, like I am sure she would want me to. But at the same time I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't cry for her. I know it is weird.

We tried out a church here this past sunday. It was okay, the people were really nice. I don't know why but it just didn't feel right. So we are going to try a few more. I hope we can find something where we feel comfortable and at home at.

So about a week and a half ago I found out some good news. We are expecting again! I am due around May 1st, but since all of mine come a little early it will probably be end of April. We are both very excited about it. But I have to admit I am a bit scared too. I am told this is normal. So far the pregnancy is going good, no morning sickness or anything. My only complaint is I have no energy, lol. But other than that it is going good. I don't see a doctor until Oct. 4th. In the morning on the 4th I have to go to a stupid orientation class thing so they can tell me all about being pregnant, cause you know after giving birth to 4 babies I have no idea what that is like, lol. And it is a freaking 3 hour class, hopefully Dwayne can get off for it because you can't bring kids. Then in the afternoon I go back to actually see a doctor for that wonderful exam you always have to get, lol and she said they will also do an ultrasound! That was wonderful news because before with military doctors you only get that one ultra sound around 20 some weeks unless there is a reason for another one.

I hate that I have to wait so long to see a doctor. I mean I know there isn't anything they can find out right now about the baby but at the same time I want to talk to a doctor about it, maybe get a little reassurance that most likely it won't happen again. I don't know I just think I wouldn't be stressing as much if I could talk to someone about it. Oh and I found out that in the class is when we give our medical history, so yeah in front of other pregnant women I am going to have to talk about Isabella and my medical history of the birth and everything. While I love to talk about Isabella I don't think this is something I am going to like. I just wish there was some way I could get out of the class but they said it was manditory :( Oh and our clinic doesn't have an OB ward so I am going to have to go to Langley Airfoce Base. I am hoping after the orientation and the 1st doctors appointment I can get a referral to the doctors off post here.

I know over the next weeks and months I am going to be stressing like crazy. I know even after ultrasounds and bloodwork coming back as normal I am still going to stress. I know the only time I am going to stop stressing about it is when I am holding this baby in my arms and I see she or he is healthy.