The Past Month

Wow it has been awhile since I posted on here. I am not sure why but I kept putting it off. The past month has been pretty emotional for me. I had a little break down right before we moved. We were packing up the uhaul trailer and Dwayne put Isabella's chest with her stuff in it and her flowers in the trailer. I am not really sure why that got me. The only thing I can think of is that is all we have of her so in a way it was like putting my child in the back of the trailer. I was also extremly scared of someone stealing the trailer for some reason and the idea of her stuff being stolen scared me. Then of course I was scared of something getting broken or messed up. But everything survived the trip, nothing broken or messed up and thank God nothing stolen.

Our last few days and nights in Kansas were exhausting, lol. I am so thankful for the wonderful friends we had there that helped us get that place clean. Thank you to Marshall for pretty much taking over the hole patching from Dwayne and the oil change! Thank you to Tara and her kids for helping us prime over the paint. Thank you again to Tara and Dorothea for helping us get that place clean. Those few nights really made me realize what great people we were going to have to be saying goodbye to. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to leave Kansas. Though there wasn't much about actual Kansas I was going to miss, it was the people I didn't want to leave.

What normally is a two day drive from Fort Riley to Fort Eustis we did much faster. We got a call about 2 hours after we left that they had a house there for us. If we got there the next day,friday, we only had to pay $42 up front, if we waited until Monday we would have to pay $2200 up front. Yeah not much a choice in it for us, lol. So we drove the whole way without stopping. Or I guess I should say Dwayne drove the whole way, think he was scared to let me drive the van pulling the trailer, lol.

We get here and see the house and I just wanted to cry. I had a totally different image in my head of what the new housing would be like. Especially when I read online it had a fenced in back yard. While I loved the downstairs, the rooms are HUGE. The kitchen is awesome! The bedrooms are smaller than what we had in Kansas and well the backyard is really a fenced in patio. Now keep in mind we have a 6 month old lab/german shorthaired pointer mix dog that is used to having a yard to run around in. When I saw that "backyard" I pretty much just wanted to cry. Now I am sure it wasn't all about the yard, I am sure it was part due to the lack of sleep and just the emotional drain a move is and already missing everyone back in Kansas. I also didn't like that we no longer would have a garage or driveway for the kids to play in. Here it is like an alley way behind the houses with parking spots, no driveway or garage. Now the house has grown on me but I do still wish we had a garage, yard and somewhere for the kids to play. Our old place had a huge parking lot type of thingy, we called it a court for the kids to play in. Here they can pretty much only play in the roads. Not something I really let my kids do. But we are adjusting and I find that during the day the alley way road in the back doesn't get to much traffic so I will go sit out there and let the kids play while I am constantly screaming CAR to the kids, lol.

Now that things are somewhat normal in our household I am getting a bit depressed. Dwayne is at work and just me and the kids bored at home. There aren't really any kids their age to play with and I haven't made any friends here on post either. I met one neighbor and well she is not the type I want to be friends with, the sterotypical drama queen military wife and on the other side the lady is so not friendly. Now the houses are in rows of like 4-7 houses, ours being one of the 7 ones so there are other people around but no one ever comes out of their house. It is hard to go from sitting outside everyday talking with your friends, while the kids played with kids close to their ages to not having any other adult to talk to during the day and the kids driving you crazy and each other crazy cause they are stuck playing together constantly. Even though it will be a sad day I look forward to the day Katie starts school too, lol. They need a break from each other and she needs to be around kids her age to play with. Hopefully we can find some for Jonathan to play with too.

Today was a pretty bittersweet day. Katie finally lost that loose tooth. While I have had constant reminders recently that she is growing up, like registering her for kindergarten, buying her school supplies this was just another slap in the face. While I couldn't help but be happy for her, she was so excited anyone within a mile from us could feed off it, lol, it was still a sad moment too. They just grow up way to fast, I wish I could wrap her in my arms and slow time down.

And then for some reason tonight I am back to that sad depressed mood missing Isabella like crazy. I am sure it doesn't help that the walls are so thin on these houses that I can hear my neighbors baby cry all the time, usually waking up to it in the mornings. But the past weeks it has just been a few moments of sadness and then moving on, but for some reason tonight I just can't shake it.

Anyways now that I have written a book I am going to go snuggle up in bed with the husband and with Isabella's blanket and allow myself a night of sadness. Tomrrow is another day, a day to be happy and enjoy my time with Katie and Jonathan because I know how blessed I am to have them here.