Nov 17, 2009

Well really I am not sure what is going on, lol. As of right now we know that I can't induce. The hospital here on post won't do it because it is a government hospital and as long as the baby has a heartbeat there isn't anything they can do. And our insurance company won't cover it because it isn't medically necessary, meaning neither me or the baby are in danger right now. Now if Dwayne wasn't deployed this wouldn't be a problem since I wanted to carry to term anyways. But it does cause some problems and stress not knowing what is going to happen with that. The specialist in Topeka is going to write his unit and try to get it where he can stay until the birth, Dwayne is 99% sure they will say no. It really upsets me and him that he might miss the birth and his chance to know his daughter and say goodbye to her. It also upsets me because I know I am not mentally stable right now and I need him here for me and the kids. What really pisses me off is that it isn't right because it doesn't give the woman/family the choice. Some women aren't up to carrying the baby to term, they mentally couldn't handle it. They deserve a choice in the matter. If you have tricare it means most likely your spouse is in the military and as we all know people in the military do not make much money, they don't have the money to go pay for it out of pocket if they really wanted to induce. THIS IS FREE HEALTHCARE PEOPLE!!! Why do people want this?????

So anyways tomorrow Dwayne is going to go up to Rear D and talk with them, let them know what is going on and get the e-mail addresses for the people in Iraq for the doctor to write to. Hopefully it won't take long to get a response. Even if it is no I would rather know than sit around waiting and worrying for days on end. I will also be making an appointment with mental health. One because I do need to go talk to someone. I am not doing good at all with this, my depression is so bad right now I can't fight it anymore. And secondly hopefully if the unit knows my mental status it will help with getting Dwayne to stay here. Even before this though I had planned on doing this.

So we are just asking for everyones prayers that they let him stay. I also worry about how he will be if they send him back. He will be to worried about me and the kids and upset over everything to be able to concentrate on his missions. He will not be in the right mindset to be fighting in a war. And sorry despite everything you hear in the news the Iraqi Army/Police isn't doing everything over there now. Dwayne was going on missions on a daily basis before he come home on emergency leave. He doesn't need to be having all of this on his mind while he is over there, that is how accidents happen. I know the Army doesn't take into account emotions when it comes to stuff but I am hoping this time they will. Emotionally me and the kids need him here and he needs to be here for his own reasons too.

Right now most likely if he does go back they won't even send him back here for the birth. Not to mention with this you can go into early labor because most babies don't swallow the amniotic fluid like most "normal" babies so it can cause it to rupture. Also most women do NOT give birth on their due date, for some reason some people still believe they do, lol. For me it has always been earlier. So even if they got him home for the due date it could be to late. Also there is always the chance for complications in any pregnancy and even more in one like this so no telling if eventually they would have to induce me for some reason and we all know it takes days for them to get them home. So there is no guarantee that he would be able to get back for it. I mean really could you imagine how it would feel to know that you could have been there to meet your daughter and say goodbye to her but can't because the Army won't let you? You have to come home to her already in the Urn??? And knowing your wife had to go through all that alone? It just isn't right to put someone through that. But we are talking about the Army here, and that is why we are worried.

So yeah right now I am no where near mentally stable. Between the emotional wreck I am from finding out my daughter isn't going to survive to know having to stress and worry over what is going to happen with Dwayne, I am just about at my breaking point.