First off I would like to apologize for neglecting this blog and not reading other blogs. I was kind of scared to sign into it, afraid to write or read something that would upset me. Things have been going good the past couple weeks and sometimes when I write or read another blog it brings up those sad emotions, and well I wasn't up to facing them. I guess I wanted to go pretending that everything was okay, that life was "normal" again. I should have had more faith in Jesus and known that nothing could break this new "normal" feeling he has brought into my life, I should have known that it wasn't mans doing but something stronger that has brought me to this better place in the grieving process.
So our 1st Thanksgiving without Isabella went better than I thought. Instead of being down about her not being there I made myself be thankful for the blessing she brought into our lives. So thankfully no tears were shed, not much saddness intervered with the day. Even though she was only in my tummy for 33 weeks and only alive for 3 minutes outside of the womb she changed my life in so many ways, she gave me so many things to be thankful for. I will ALWAYS be thankful to the Lord for blessing me and making me her mother, for allowing her to come into our lives and teaching us so many things. I am thankful to the Lord for giving me the strength and wisdom to see these things and be thankful instead of bitter, especially on such a special day.
Today is the 10 month anniversary of Isabella's birth and death. Also today I feel a new sense of strength, a new sense of peace on this journey. While yes of course I am a bit sad, and will always be, I can't help but smile as I think about my precious daughter. Instead of thinking of everything I am missing out on I am thinking of the day we will be together again, I am thinking of the memories we did make with her and smiling and praising Jesus for our time with her. I am thanking God for answering our prayers and having her born alive and allowing us those wonderful, magnificent truely magical 33 weeks and 3 minutes we had with her!
I pray that this new peace and strength will continue during these next months as we celebrate Christmas and her 1st birthday. I pray that with this new strength I will continue to celebrate her life and carry on her memory.