Thursday, December 9, 2010

Pregnant Women

I thought by now I would be over this. I thought when I got pregnant again it would be okay. I am getting better around babies but for some reason pregnant women still get to me. And it drives me crazy that I don't know why, lol. I am a control freak so I guess not having control over it is really what drives me crazy.

Everytime I have to go to an OB appointment or an appointment at the specialist office I dread it. I dread having to sit in that waiting room 30 minutes surrounded by pregnant women. I sit there having to hear their prior pregnancy/birth stories and their stories of this pregnancy. It hurts so much to hear those things. I wish I could be in those conversations like I used to be. But I know they don't want to hear about Isabella, she is my child and I would have to include her in those stories.

I think part of it is I no longer have that innocence they all have. I know that ultrasound isn't about finding out about the sex. I know the 16 week blood work isn't just another blood test you don't have to worry about. I know how special each little kick is, no matter how painful they can be. I know how precious each second that my baby is alive in me really is. Like them I am too excited and happy to be pregnant, but unlike them I also know the fear and worry that can come along with it.

I have read from other BLM that some of them feel this way too, that even years later pregnant women still get them. I just wish I could understand it better. I wish I knew what it was about them that gets to me. I wish I could do something about it.


  1. I think the lost innocence is a big part in it. You wish that you could be like that again. Whenever I see a pregnant woman I wonder if they know what it's like to lose a baby and if they know how lucky they are to be carrying a child.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost one of my my sons in Feb. 2010 to anencephaly. I just came across your blog. I noticed our children are very close in age and my husband is in the Coast Guard. I wanted to send a big hug your way. Fell free to contact me.