So we found out on Monday that we will be having another baby girl. The spine and head looked great on the ultrasound so I am more than relieved about that. Of course like they said ultrasounds aren't 100% but they are pretty sure everything there is okay. I have to go back on the 28th for another look at the heart because she wasn't in a good position to see it and they want to take another look at the placenta because it was looking funny to them, they really didn't go into any detail about it so I am not sure really what is going on, but they didn't seem real worried about it.
I am kind of mixed up on the news about a girl. I mean I am more than happy and thrilled and thankful for a healthy baby, no matter boy or girl, but I can't help but wonder how I will handle it. In some ways I think a boy would be easier, I wouldn't have to deal with all the emotions when I go buy baby girl things and after the baby comes home. But at the same time I will finally be able to buy all those baby girl things and bring a baby girl home again. Even though I know it will be hard in some ways it might be theraputic too. I will have to face those emotions and deal with them, where as with a boy I would be able to "ignore" it.
I am also worried people will think this baby girl will be able to "replace" Isabella. That is NOT possible. You can not replace a child. Just because she passed away shortly after birth doesn't make her any less of our baby our child that we love. She can never be replaced. We are just adding to our family, making her a big sister, no different than if she was here with us.
I guess only time will tell with how I will deal with it. I know God must think I am strong enough to deal with it and he thinks it is what is right for us. I have to trust in him, and I know he will get me through it.