It has been a year and a half since Isabella was born and passed away, and sadly I feel like she is already forgotten. No matter how much I stress to people how I want her memory to stay alive, they don't seem to care. I say over and over on here and in person who I want to talk about her and want others to talk about but yet hardly anyone does. It breaks my heart to know Dwayne, me and the kids are the only ones that remember her. On her 1 year angelversary we got one thing in the mail from our very wonderful friends,which I am VERY thankful for and proudly display with Isabella's stuff. Not one card from any family member, not one phone call from anyone. How sad is that?? Not only had they failed to remember my daughter, their granddaughter, niece, cousin etc, they also failed to remember me and my family and what we might have been going through.
I mean I didn't expect a big to do but yes I expected at least ONE family member to acknowledge our daughter and that special day!!! The same thing happened at Christmas too. Yes I know this is very late, it is something I have been holding in, and it is just an example of what I mean by she is forgotten. No one brings her up unless I do and then they always seem to want to change the subject right away which just hurts my feels and makes me scared to bring her up again.
I feel like they all expect me to have moved on by now. I will NEVER move on, she is and will always be my daughter and I will and always will miss her and love her. I will take every chance I have to talk about her, share her memory with people, acknowledge that she was here that she was loved and wanted.
I hear stories all the time from others where family and friends acknowledge their angels years later, do things in the angels memory, have pictures hanging up of them, say how much that angel has changed their lives. Oh how my heart wishes for that. How my heart wishes to know that Isabella's short life had a purpose outside of our little family, that she is love and missed by more than Me, Dwayne, Katie and Jonathan.
Maybe people do feel this way but they sure as heck don't tell me. That would mean they would have to mention her and that seems to have become one of the deadly sins.
I am sure this post sounds very selfish and probably mean but I don't care. It is how I am feeling and how I have been feeling for awhile. For me to come to terms with this stuff I have to get it out. The longer I hold it in the longer it will fester and cause more hatred to build up in my heart. Maybe if people had actually come to the hospital and seen and held her it would be different. Maybe they are going by the old saying out of sight out of mind? Who knows. All I know is I carried her in my tummy for 33 weeks, I gave birth to her and held her in my arms during her short life, I was there with her when she went home to Jesus and our other family members up there. I know she was real and I know this pain I feel in my heart is real. But the joy I feel in my heart when she is talked about and remember is also real and it can make that pain just a little more bearable. I truthfully don't understand how anyone could forget or choose to ignore and pretend it didn't happen, I just can't even fathom that. I really don't think I am asking for too much when all I am asking for is my daughter to be remembered.