Tuesday, October 5, 2010

8 months

So I know I am a bit late on this but we have been on the go for the past week and haven't had much time to sit down and blog. On the 30th was the 8 month anniversary of Isabella's birth and death. And yet again the days leading up to it were worse than the actual day. It probably helped that I was busy taking care of Dwayne since he had his wisdom teeth taken out that day.

It is so hard to believe it has already been 8 months! The time has flown by.I can't help but think about what she would be like if she was still alive. I can imagine her laughing and playing and crawling around. Thinking about how she would now be on baby food and the cute faces and messes she would make.

Like I would be doing if she was here with me I have started thinking about her birthday. We obviously can't have a normal birthday party but we will celebrate her day. I have decided we will get a cake and it will be a normal birthday cake. We will let the kids blow out the candles for her. We are also going to release balloons for her. And like we are going to do every year we are going to donate stuff to the hospital for other parents who lose their baby. I am not sure if we will do hand molds again. I will have to think if I can come up with something else. I am in no way a crafty person so it will have to be something I can buy already made, lol. I am also going to let the kids make gifts for her. And we will put them in her chest to look at over the years with the rest of her stuff. We are going to celebrate her life and rejoice that she is with Jesus in Heaven. I am going to do all that I can to make sure it is a happy day for her.

I had my first OB appointment yesterday. The doctor has put in the paperwork for me to go to the specialist here for early ultrasounds and bloodwork. If by around 20 some weeks everything looks okay then I will stop going there. They did do an ultrasound at my appointment but it is to early to tell anything and it was just a normal one not the 3D or 4D one I will get done at the specialist. It was bittersweet seeing the baby. I couldn't help but think about the first time I saw Isabella on an ultrasound. It was also the same day I was told about her diagnosis. But it was so sweet seeing that little baby on the screen. He/She is such a little mover! Quite different than how Isabella was. The baby is measuring on time and it's heartbeat is normal so everything is looking good. The nurse practitioner I saw was really nice and also very understanding of our situation. I am glad they are willing to do what they can to help ease our fears some during this pregnancy. Here is a picture of our lil peanut on the way :)

When I first was trying to get pregnant they took me off the xanax I was on and put me on zoloft. Well luckily I am now off that. It had a lot to do with the depression I was feeling. I have now been on buspirone for over a week and am already starting to feel better. Hopefully the majority of the depression will continue to go away and I can start feeling "normal" again.

Also I am making a family blog so I can share news about our family. I always want to post things that are going on in our family here but I feel Isabella's blog isn't the right place. I should have it finished today or tomorrow so feel free to add that one when I get done.

Hope everyone is enjoying fall! It has finally decided to show itself here and we are loving it! Looking forward to decorating for halloween and going to the pumpkin patch with the kids. I have already decided we will be getting a pumpkin for Isabella and decorating it all pretty for her. The kids have already gotten their costumes and Katie decided to be an Angel. She said she wanted to be one because Isabella is one :)

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