I am not sure which word to use to describe some of the feelings I have had recently. I see on other peoples blogs where they have family members and friends that help keep the memory of their baby alive, I wish we had people like that in our lives. They are given gifts with their babies names engraved on it or a verse that means something special to them and the situation. They have people make things and write out the baby name, or even something as simple as writing the babies name in sand and taking a picture of it. It isn't the fact that they are given gifts that I am jealous of, because even the handmade or free simple things get to me too.
It feels like only Dwayne and I are trying to carry on her memory. Pretty much from the time she was diganosed she was already erased from some peoples memories and of course as time goes by since her birth/death the more she gets forgotten by others. Those of us who have lost a baby know how important it is for their memory to be carried on, for them to not be forgotten. Even if they were only alive for mere minutes they were alive! They were here, they were a baby a person. They had a purpose. I am sure it means so much to them that they have people to help carry on that memory to show them that their angel meant something to other people.
People think that just because she was a baby and died shortly after birth that it is different than a normal death in the family. It is NOT! We grieve for our daughter no differently than people grieve for a loss of a parent or someone else close to them. I guess I just long for people to understand what we are going through, for them to show us that Isabella meant something to them. To acknowledge that we had a daughter and that we miss her and that they too miss her. I long for people to tell us or show us how she has touched their lives, how they do think of her and of us during this time. Maybe I am wanting to much from people? I have read in the grief books how people think of losses like Isabella as no different than a miscarriage, but it is! I have had a miscarriage and I know they are hard but this is completely different.
When Isabella passed away we got two cards in the mail. One from a dear friend of mine and one from the doctors and nurses at the hospital, and then at her service we got 3 cards from friends. I am not trying to be ungrateful at all. I am so thankful for the people who came to her service, I guess I just want her to be remembered long after her service.