Tuesday, July 13, 2010

To induce or not...

Recently I have been asked quite a bit how we made our choice to carry to term, though we didn't make it to term for medical reasons that was our wish. For us we didn't have a choice. The military hospital will not induce nor will our insurance cover one without a medical reason for needing it. Anencephaly is not considered a medical reason. Isabella still had a heartbeat and neither me or her were in any danger when she was diagnosed.

At first I did want to induce. My husband was home on emergency leave from Iraq and only had about a month home with us, after getting the orginal 2 weeks extended. I wanted him to be able to say hello and goodbye to her. To have a chance to hold her and see her beautiful face. To be there for me and the family for the shortwhile he was allowed.

In my heart I wanted to carry her to term but didn't want to deny my husband what he deserved. Then we found out we couldn't induce. Our hearts were broken because he wouldn't be there for the birth, to see his daughter to love on her. To do everything a father is supposed to do when their baby is born, especially when the baby won't live. After lots of fighting with the Army they let him stay. Despite knowing my daughter was going to die I was happy again. I could carry her in my tummy for as long as God allowed. I would feel her move and get all those months to talk to her. I would have my husband there for the birth and he would get to meet her and make memories with her.

So for me there wasn't a choice. But even if I had one and my husband had been home I would have carried her to term. I can't tell anyone what to do in that situation. It is a personal choice you have to make with yourself and your spouse. You have to decide what is best for your family.

For me personally an induction is no different than an abortion. Now that being said I do NOT judge anyone that has induced, because every person and situation is different. That is just my personal belief for myself. If Dwayne hadn't been able to stay I might have done it. But I know I would have regretted it forever. I would have regretted those months I would have missed out with her living inside of me. I would have regretted missing out on the memories we made with her. I would have regretted those months of letting her know how much we loved her. The time she was in my tummy was probably some of the most precious moments in my life. I treasure them so much. I now can't imagine my life without it. She has changed me and my family in so many ways, taught us so many things. She has shown me what true love is. Something I read online has always stuck with me. There are people who induce that regret it but you never hear of anyone carrying to term that regret it.

If you are in the situation where you are having to make this hard decision, first I am sorry you are having to do that and second don't make any decisions right away. Don't feel forced by the doctors to decide on the spot or even in a couple days. Take your time. Do some research. Think long and hard about your personal beliefs and what is best for your family. Do not let anyone push you into anything you do not want to do or feel guilty about the choice you are making. You are the only one that knows what is best for you.

My personal belief is that God gave us these special babies to love and take care of until he is ready for them to come home to him. Who am I to question God and go against his wishes? I believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, because with him we can handle anything.


  1. It was not an easy decision to make and I questioned it occasionally until I gave birth to Olivia. That short time we had with her made every heartache and pain worth it and I will never regret carrying to term. I will never have to wonder if she would have been a boy or a girl, what she would have looked like because I know. I agree, take time to decide and if you cannot make that decision, then carrying fullterm is probably the best choice.

  2. we to carried to term as long as we could. We had to induce early due to medical reasons. We look back on the time that we had while he was in the womb, and they are priceless.

  3. I definitely agree. Carrying to term was our only option, choosing otherwise was not. I like you think it is a personal choice and do not judge anyone for what they chose to do. Its a tough situation to be in and either way the result is the same. I do not regret carrying to term neither does my husband. The time we got with Lilly was amazing and worth it all as Cynthia said in regards to her Olivia.